Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
