I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
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I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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