Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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