so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
