sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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