i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
