just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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