It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
