how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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