I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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