we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
