so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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