Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
