i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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