i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
