I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
