Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
