if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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