that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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