My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
