How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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