I wish my penis had an off switch
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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