Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
