Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
