Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I love you.
Bad choice
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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