singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
where are my eyebrows?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
