Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
