Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
