Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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