It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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