she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
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That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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