did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
