Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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