I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
