11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the condom got lost in my hair
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
