so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
