I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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