even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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