In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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