the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
