She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
