At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
that's an acceptable place to lick
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
