I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
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I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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