Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
