i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
