Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
