i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
