Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
