is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
