So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
