the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
