He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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