great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
