He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
