i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
