One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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