I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
