See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
