life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
