This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
