youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize