I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
