Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
